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Wednesday, March 24, 2010


I saw a magpie today that weighed more than I do. And that is no small feat. I think Magpies are the terrorists of the avian world. Once I was in my house and I heard this terrible racket outside. I went out to see my cat in a tree, surrounded by a group of magpies. They had her cornered. I had to rescue her. She's never been the same.

I was sitting out back today, looking up at the sky, watching some seagulls. Seagulls. I live in the prairies. In the middle of the country. SEAgulls. Does anyone else see anything wrong with this picture?

What do they think about anyways, while they fly around up there? Do they have normal conversations like the rest of us? Is there a teenage girl bird up there, who wants to go to the dance with her teenage boyfriend bird who drives a bird-Harley (or is that teenage boy bird friend who drives a bird-Harley?) and her parents are flying around saying "not as long as there is breath in my body!" and is she arguing that "You don't understand, I hate you, caw, caw...."?
Or are they just birdbrains?
I live in Canada. Maybe you've heard of Canada Geese. Well, some people think birds, including the quintessential Canadian Goose, fly south in the winter. And god knows, we do have winter in Canada. Sometimes in Canada we even have winter in summer. But I digress. I see the geese fly overhead as the weather turns cooler. They honk. Then I see the geese fly back, in the other direction. They honk. Then I see them fly south again. More honks. Then I see them fly back. Still honking. Tell me, are they stupid? Or just confused?
One day, when my daughter was about 5 or 6 years old, I noticed there was straw on the front steps. So I swept it up and thought no more of it. The next day there was more straw, and a few pieces of string. I looked around and thought, "OK, it must be the wind." The third day, I knew something was up. UP. UP. Look UP. so I did, and there, over top of the motion sensor light, was a nest. Motion sensor lights are really hot, so I called the fire department to ask if I should evict this feathered family and they told me it would be fine. So, since they would be paying rent, I climbed up and peered inside and there were three eggs. As in robin's eggs. Cool! I told my little girl and we waited for the momentous occasion. And lo and behold, sure enough, one day there were three little robins. My daughter named them Cheryl, Lucy and Dave.Oh my gosh, I'm laughing as I write this. I don't know where she gets this from. Do you?
There is bad news, however. Remember my cat and the magpie incident? Well, my cat keeps lists. Little kitty cat "I hate you, evil birds!!" lists. Little Cheryl, Lucy and Dave never grew up to tell their daughters not to date bird-bikers. Let's not tell my daughter, OK?
Have a funny day tomorrow.


  1. Girlfriend, I love your blog. Love it! Every time I visit here, I find myself smiling-- and usually laughing my arse off! You have a fabulous way with words.

  2. I am amazed you have seagulls because I know where you are situated and I have no idea how they got that far inland!

    The back and forth with bird Harleys and such made me laugh since it reminded me of such a "discussion" with Mom. Sorry about the robins, shame they had to pay the price for the bad birds. But kitty had its reasons. lol

  3. What a lovely blog so detailed with information thanks for sharing and visiting my blog have a great spring day.

  4. Yea, we have seagulls too, I think they follow WalMarts. Too funny. So sorry your cat was traumatized by birds, how scary! No wonder it's revengeful! lol Hmm, my security word is STUREAK. Is that a combo of stupid and freak?

  5. The seagulls are there for the rubbish dumps. They do it over here too.

    Magpies are absolute hoodlums, I would shoot them all if I wasn't such an animal lover.
    Plus I don't have a gun so I would have to use elastic bands which wouldn't have the effect I was aiming for.
    And I would probably miss.

    Are you still seeing fuzzy little toilet-scrubber people??
    I have had a hell of a week and am about ready to start seeing them myself.
    What are they wearing so they won't take me be surprise?

    Gini - who would love to never have to scrub another toilet in her life, but with two young boys doesn't stand a hope in hell of having that wish come true.

  6. I'll have you know, Missy Gini, we don't have rubbish dumps here. All of our garbage magically disappears when we put it in our blue bins.
    I think Lori's right, she says they follow the Walmarts.
    And the toilet-scrubber people wear bikinis and speedos, of course. What a silly question! Don't you have toilet-scrubber people in Britain!
    I haven't seen them for awhile, but I was so traumatized by the whole idea, I've made a point of not looking. I just run in, sit down, do what I need to and run out.
    I hope your weekend goes better than your week. Don't hesitate to use the elastic-gun on those boys if you need to. We'll all understand.
    How's Spanky, by the way?

  7. Spanky is getting ready to go on holiday, she's picking out her clothes(and I hope not her nose).
    However, I am left doing all the grunt work.
    (That means Jobs no-one else wants to do, in case it is an exclusively English phrase.)

    Never live with Divas they make you grumpy.


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